10 Counterintuitive Wins Regarding Growing Humans.

Congratulations: everyone is disgustingly obnoxious and nobody ever grows up entirely!

This is for everybody living with maturing humans (from tweens to the rest of us). The growing pains never cease.

It is HARD to be a person. It is HARD how to LEARN how to be a person. We all need all the help we can get. The ones who figure it out a little more than the rest of us, they just talk it all out and laugh through the shared horrors of this existence. A beautiful day of learning how to be a person frequently offers up some ugly, ugly wins. Congratulations for surviving, to everybody involved.

Here are 10 wins that don’t always look like wins at all, at least at first.

1: Congratulations: You live in a fecal cloud.
Hey, buddy, you gotta unleash that species of beast outside.

2: Congratulations: Your human has shared a wishlist a mile long.
Nobody needs a new phone today. Nobody. But we can get more socks.

3: Congratulations: The noise is making it impossible to concentrate.
They’re (mostly) screams of joy, you know.

4: Congratulations: The venting is relentless.
Yes, tell me more about how annoying it is that Aiden will not stop saying, “That’s what she said.”

5: Congratulations: An eighty-pound dude just called your wife a bitch.
Let the multilateral peace-talks begin.

6: Congratulations: Their room smells like feet.
This is why we have doors. And ants. You know we have ANTS!?!

7: Congratulations: You get to explain the functions of pubes.
Next week you get to list off the many words we have for perineum.

8: Congratulations: A door slammed so hard it scared the dog.
Learning how to be a person is not an undertaking for the conflict averse.

9: Congratulations: They went back for fourths.
It is expansive, but worthwhile, to feed a thriving creature.

10: Congratulations: Life will always be THIS messy.
At least you can help each other along on the ride.