10 Interesting Things Lurking Inside Tedious Meetings
There's always something (or someone) worth showing up for.
A business meeting is said to be a party without any fun. I beg to differ. There can always be fun because fun is a personally created and perpetually renewable resource. Fun is, in fact, a reactive, subversive, and necessary element to all meetings.
1
There are stories to notice.
Inside every tedious meeting is a Shakespearean tale of intrigue, disgust, horror, betrayal, and heartache. Listen for the deep wounds wrapped in jargon and passive-aggressive recapping to understand that everyone not on mute considers themselves the main character in a tragic play that nobody wants to sit through, including themselves.
2
There are chances to help.
Inside every tedious meeting is an opportunity to save someone’s heart via the chat window. The voice that is interrupted, you can lift up. The voice that is nervous, you can reassure. The voice that is saying something irredeemably stupid, you can gently correct. Choreograph your commentary to assist, and you’ll become more valuable than you can imagine.
3
There are jokes to be made.
Inside every tedious meeting are small turns-of-phrase so absurd and surreal that they will stand the test of time if preserved as inside jokes with your colleagues. Really, Augustus? Is this moment in time really an opportunity to get medieval on our sales goals? Please clarify: black plague medieval or turkey leg medieval? Listen for these preposterous bits of conversation. They just might become the epoxy that bonds you to other humans.
4
There are political truths to discern.
Inside every meeting is a reason for the meeting, and most of the time, it’s far more political than it is functional. If you can figure out who needs to feel important to whom and why, you’ve solved the meeting. And once true reason for the meeting is understood, the meeting can be quickly concluded, freeing you from it. Thanks, Veruca, I’m really glad you did finish the research that Mike started, and I’m going to pass it up the chain with a note that you’re the go-to expert on this topic.
5
There are things you’re not doing.
Inside every meeting is a pile of minutes you will not spend doing other tasks. If you’re paid to think, meetings give you a break from the brain-flexing. If you’re paid to move heavy things, meetings give you a break from the back-breaking. So sit, listen, nod, take a note or two, and know that you’re practicing a skill that everyone needs to have: the ability to exist in a meeting. For many workers, paying attention to whatever is being discussed is MOST of the role. Understanding this will make you feel less frustrated that you’re sitting in meetings far more than you’re ever doing your “real job.” Your real job is sitting there. I am so sorry.
6
There are people in there.
Inside every meeting are living, breathing ACTUAL people who waded through the murky waters of disease, divorce, death, disaster, depression, discrimination, denial, disgust, and decay just to get to their seats. You’re one of them. The bland tediousness of any meeting is a mask placed over the real and messy work of human living. Giving everyone a little more space to be real is a gift we all owe each other, so be gentle. Charlie’s late to the kick-off, but don’t get mad at the guy. Three of his grandparents are dying and the fourth one’s a manipulative leech.
7
There are illuminating games to play.
Inside every meeting are games to surreptitiously play—how points are awarded is entirely up to you. How many children have been harmed in the factory today? Ten points per child! How many factory workers have been placed on permanent disability this thanks to the dangerous work environment Bill designed? Twenty points per worker! How many pieces of candy can you eat before you have to say anything at all? Two points per piece! When you notice and score the themes in play, you’ll find yourself marvelously entertained and your insights will likely have real value for your career.
8
There are prizes to win.
Inside every meeting rests the potential to change your entire life. Every piece of information (from the gossipy slivers to the confidential document fine-print) is up for grabs however you want to apply it—aside from the obvious dangers of insider trading. Ask questions and leverage your understandings. You’ll can find yourself quickly promoted or hirable for a lot more money at some other organization. Knowledge is always a transferrable asset, NDA or not, as long as you can speak in metaphors. Where are we building the next factory? Who gets the keys to the place once Bill finally retires?
9
There is a culture to understand.
Inside every meeting is a set of unspoken cultural rules. How formal is the dress code? How much swearing and/or singing is normal? How personal do people get? How honest can you be before you get shipped out? Why does Bill only hire really short guys to work in the factory? Why are we so secretive with our recipes? Understanding the culture of the business is as important, if not more so, than understanding the business itself.
10
There are priorities to set.
Inside every meeting are talking points and documents, topics to touch upon and timelines to define. While you listen to the list of deliverables and make notes of deadlines, remember that you deserve to have priorities of your own. You can spend your entire life meeting expectations for other people, turning in memos on topics that aren’t personal to you, sending off files you will forget as soon as they are no longer your problem, and addressing topics your soul could not give a damn about—if you let yourself. After you get our of this next meeting, book some time with yourself, decide what needs to happen and when, and be sure to follow up on those deliverables.
Have a scrumdiddlyumptious week.