10 New Cryptids

Because this week calls for better monsters than the ones we have.

Mothman. Chupacabra. Mermaid. Sasquatch. The Jersey Devil.
We need more weird mythological critters to tell scary stories about around campfires. Fake monsters are better than the real ones, and so much less existentially horrifying.

So I made some up.

1: This guy can lick his own eyeballs:

2: This thing leaves coal for the children Santa has forsaken:

3: This one taught the ninja turtles how to fight:

4: This thing runs on its hind legs with its hands in the air:

5: This one wears a teal Hornet’s cap while it slurps down blood:

6: This one is just a totally normal baby. Totally normal, totally human baby:

7: This one is friends with the chupacabra AND the ferret baby:

8: This one’s orange:

9: This one just wants a little kiss:

10: This one is less gross than the monsters in the files: