10 Random Ways to Figure Out What to Do with Yourself

Because the universe will give you viable answers if you just ask it nicely

Oh, hey there! So, the planet is warming and inflation is absorbing the heat the oceans can’t. Tensions are high and at least eight billion lives continue to be existentially unfair. When uncertainty is thick on the wind, all decisions feel more difficult to make. So it makes sense that making any kind of plans feels impossible.

Well, here are 10 random ways to figure out what’s next when you’re unsure about everything.

1
How to think long-term?

Quick: open your phone can call somebody. Doesn’t matter who. Just say you wanted to talk to a real, live human and ask said entity this very important question, “So, let’s say we both quit our jobs and head over to a place with a climate entirely unlike our own—where are we meeting and what will we do when we get there?” You just bonded hard with somebody and have a back-up plan for the end of the world. You also have a sense of the kind of world you want for yourself, and you can work toward that ideal.

2
Where to go for dinner?

Grab a sheet of lined paper and number the lines 1-15. Randomly assign each line a direction: right, left, or straight, until you have 15 lines of directions. This is your route to your next meal. Good luck on your journey. Tip well. After your meal, you will be full of ideas.

3
How to connect with people?

It’s recently been documented that mushrooms communicate with a vocabulary of roughly 50 “words.” If you were a mushroom, what 50 words would you say to your closest fungal friend? Compose a note using only fifty words to say all you feel and give it to your dearest human, one you already know loves you. It will become a priceless treasure to them, and you will realize of how much you can say in a short paragraph. And you will know what you, yourself, need to hear.

4
How to declutter?

Find something in your house worth at least 20 dollars that you are willing to abandon and never retrieve. Put it in a gift bag. Set an alarm for 4 in the morning and set out in the fading dark to hide your treasure in a public place. Drop a pin on Google maps and label it “treasure” and include a visual description of the gift bag. Someone will be by fairly quickly to retrieve your offering. Leave a note of cryptic friendship if you want to make this process extra special. If you want to attract law enforcement, bring a shovel and loudly bellow sea shanties while you a hole for your treasure. The feeling you have once this job is complete will inform your future plans.

5
How to vent without exhausting your friends?
You ever scream really loudly, so loudly you disturb the s

lumbering elder gods, just to get out the frustrations imposed on you by the dystopian side-quest that is your current earthly role? No? Well then, you need to take a hike in some woods and start that hobby right up. It’s a solid core work-out. It’s better than a bubble bath for stress-relief. Plus, it scares away both bears and creeps who hide in the woods. The echoes of your screams will guide you going forward.

6
How to do the rest of your life?

Make your way to the nearest thrift store. Find the book aisle. Stand in the middle of the aisle and grab a book from the back of the bottom shelf. Open that book to the page that matches your birthday. The fourth line is your guiding statement. Now you know what to do.

7
How to look nicer?

Make an appointment at a salon you’ve never been too. Ask the stylist you’ve never met to make you look like the person they think you can be. Let them tell you the best character you resemble, the gifts and weaknesses such a person has. Stylists are brilliant readers of people; they are artists who can reveal unseen forms. Let their insights lead you to being more of yourself. Plus, you’ll look better. Tip well for this form of therapy.

8
How to get back to nature?

If you didn’t hide treasure at four in the morning, there’s plenty out there for you to find at such an hour. And by treasure, I mean eye contact with non-human creatures. Squirrel, bird, raccoon (trash pandas will stare directly into your soul like they wanna fight), rabbit—heck even one of those plastic owls will work if nature’s being shy—just look into its eyes. You’ll see a certain wildness that will inspire, scare, or direct you. And the next time you look in a mirror: there that wildness will be, shifty and trustworthy and ready to go.

9
How to find a purpose?

Turn on a random tv channel. Write down the first letter of each product advertised. Stop when you have five letters. You now have an acronym you can fill in with words that really speak to you while asking nothing of you: turning the ads against themselves to make a mantra instead of a sale. Not sure this will work? Your brain will fill in the letter of the words for you. Trust your internal Wordle. Work that mantra until you are desperate enough to watch TV with ads again.

10
How to escape the blahs?

Go to the grocery store. Walk down the third aisle. Look to the middle shelf. Stop when you see something you have never purchased before. Grab it, cook it up with guidance from the internet or real people (same thing, at the end of the day). While you consume your novelty, the aromatic and flavor of it will let you think new, inspiring, possibly strange things—because your brain and tongue are very much connected.

Good luck out there.
Hope you find a lot of paths worth taking.