10 Ways to Find a Unicorn
Unicorns are usually surrounded by groupies, art dealers, and hedge fund people. Find any of those poachers, and the magic will be in hiding nearby.
Unicorns are written about in religious texts, political autobiographies, marketing brochures, corporate pitch decks, and other fictitious pieces of literature. Use these texts to spot fake unicorns.
Unicorn employment is often a story told by human traffickers to steal your body and your passport. If it sounds too good to be true, it is an ass in a party hat, not a unicorn.
Unicorns enjoy hobbies such as making artwork using excel spreadsheets, reading about historical battles and trade routes, knitting patterns based on extrapolations of PI, and Legos. They will not ask you your opinion on Huey Lewis & The News, and are typically shorter and more frequently female in real life than they have been described in legends.
Unicorns are EXCEEDINGLY rare and nobody would believe you if you one around to meet everybody. Do much diligence before assuming you have met one.
Unicorns are not playthings and are tired of your sad attempts at flirtation, Belinda and Ralph. Avoid characters like Belinda and Ralph, as their energy scares unicorns away.
Unicorns are closely related to the rhinoceros. You can find their ghosts where their habitats used to be.
Unicorns exist wherever there is trust, democracy, or innocence.
Unicorns live in homes that have evaded the gaze of corporate real estate investors. Look for linoleum over hardwoods and “that old lady smell.”
Unicorns are the humanistically inclined supervisors and other charming members of your chosen family you need to call today. Unicorns are, surprisingly, not as appreciated as they ought to be.
