When faced with obstacles (such as assholes, paperwork generated by assholes, or your own asshole tendencies), it can be next-to-impossible to ascertain what to do, or to guess at how to even begin to tackle the problem.
But! If you build an avatar in your mind, a character you can pass your problems over to, then you can mentally play through the problem as if it were a game, with the avatar being the one who’s forging a path for you. Just that tiny bit of cognitive distance can be enough to give you much-needed insight.
Here are 10 options to employ as insight-dropping avatars—some are admirable, some are scary. All have help to offer you.
FIGHTER ONE:
Character:
Alien jellyfish with an umbrella diameter of over three feet
Weapon:
Poison-tinged tentacles capable of paralyzing all forms of bullshit
Superpower:
The ability to remove emotion from all equations
Catch-phrase:
“I move like a butterfly and sting like a bee, as long as I’m fully submerged in the sea.”
FIGHTER TWO:
Character:
Ghost of a Dickensian orphan who died of consumption
Weapon:
A twisted bar of black iron pried from an aristocrat’s garden fence that can puncture and deflate any ego
Superpowers:
Zero respect for all representations of authority, stunningly efficient pickpocketing
Catch-phrase:
“Nobody cares about your bloody-awful Queen.”
FIGHTER THREE:
Character:
Typical-looking girl with a frighteningly functional brain
Weapon:
That frighteningly functional brain
Superpower:
Invisibility
Catch-phrase:
“Your underestimate was a fatal miscalculation.”
FIGHTER FOUR:
Character:
A writhing acre of radioactive lobsters
Weapons:
So many claws, infinite patience
Superpower:
Immortality, ability to glow in the dark of the deep
Catch-phrase:
“We will inherit and heal your corrupt world.”
FIGHTER FIVE:
Character:
Possum with mafia ties
Weapon:
Trash forged into treasure
Superpowers:
Bowels of steel, deft money laundering
Catchphrase:
“I’m not dead. I’m strategizing.”
FIGHTER SIX:
Character:
100 year-old woman who has gotten away with 47 murders
Weapons:
Usually poison, sometimes a brick
Superpowers:
Discretion, tidiness
Catch-phrase:
“You need work done? I do work.”
FIGHTER SEVEN:
Character:
Canada goose that drops golden eggs
Weapons:
Bitey face, brain too small to hold space for fear
Superpowers:
Has never lost a game of hide and seek, can total any car upon impact
Catch-phrase:
“I’m hiding in your to-do pile.”
FIGHTER EIGHT:
Character:
The guy you don’t know is living in your attic
Weapon:
All the footage he’s taken of you over the past 3 years
Superpower:
Ability to observe in constant silence
Catch-phrase:
“I’m like Google, but I pee in bottles.”
FIGHTER NINE:
Character:
Rasputin reincarnated as a woman
Weapons:
Craft beer empire, intensely feral charisma
Superpower:
Inability to code switch
Catch-phrase:
“I’m not for everyone because I haven’t met everyone yet.”
FIGHTER TEN:
Character:
Former Viking Prince and current hermit vampire, Eric the Unimpressed
Weapons:
Lots of very old money, coffin full of dirt from Greenland
Superpowers:
Unshakable apathy, time-proven dominion over all Nintendo arcade games
Catch-phrase:
“You have not what is required to rouse my motivation.”
When in doubt, ask, “What would a total weirdo do? (WWATWD?).
You’ll get an answer that might be exactly what you need to hear.