Hermit Den:
For you over-touched hermit-wannabes: Empty a closet or large cabinet of all items. Install a lock on the inside if possible. Get some pillows, a blanket, and earplugs. Enjoy the comfort of quiet darkness.
Hermit Stroll:
For you overwhelmed hermit-wannabes: Tell no one when or where you are going. Then go anywhere you like. Leave your phone at home so that you cannot be tracked, pestered, or asked to return. Enjoy noticing the squirrels, birds, and friendly neighborhood rats.
Hermit Parenting:
For you hermit-wannabes who have made more of yourselves already: Ipads are awesome. Books about dragons, wizards, and elves are sometimes even better. Perhaps your mini-hermit would like some of their own hermit time in your large cabinet?
Hermit Foraging:
For you emotionally drained caregiving hermit-wannabes: Go into a store where food items are on offer. Roam the snack area. Get whatever you want with no intention to share any of it. Eat with your hands. Cackle between bites.
Hermit Happy Hour:
For you imbibing hermit-wannabes: Go to a bar and have yourself a tasty beverage at a table by yourself while wearing headphones and reading something you have been wanting to for months now. If anyone approaches, simply hiss and they will flee.
Hermit Meeting:
For you burned-out hermit-wannabes: Schedule something unquestionable like “wart burning” into your calendar and log off for two hours.
Hermit Dating:
For you romantically eligible hermit-wannabes: Cut a hermit in half and count the rings. That’s how old they are. No. Do not attempt that. But: If you are asked out, decline by squirting your suitors with a water bottle as if they were feral cats.
Hermit Vacation Home:
For you rich hermit-wannabes: Secretly rent a storage unit large enough to shove a couch in. Spend time in there, not being bothered.
Hermit Costume:
For you who had to return to the office hermit-wannabes: Get yourself a you-sized blanket for use only in hermit rituals (such as after-lunch naps and walks in haunted woods). Wrap yourself in it and be transformed by the accessory that screams, “DO NOT APPRAOCH ME I AM WEIRD.”
Hermit School:
For you hermit-wannabes with advanced hermit needs: Go to any large university and enter the library. It is warm, not too loud, and it smells like books. You can stay there all day and practically nobody will bother you—but if they do, just hiss.
I love the foraging and the happy hour! Images of me cackling and hissing had me in stitches.
I feel seen.